The best thoughts about Pokemon GO
Image: Pokemon GO

Apparently I’m old? At the ripe old age of 29. Because apparently something called “Pokemon GO” was released and kids I haven’t seen in weeks are suddenly just wandering around the neighborhood.

Here’s some things to contemplate:

1. In the 90s, kids went outside to play. In the 2000s, kids stayed inside to play video games. As of last week, kids go outside to play video games.

2. Millions of people around the world are walking around their cities to catch imaginary pets while completely ignoring their real life pets who would love nothing more than to walk with them.

3. With kids just running into the streets without looking, I’m beginning to think Pokémon Go is just Darwin at scale.

4. I have now gone from seeing a group of people at 3am and thinking, “Great another drug trade” to “Great another Pokémon Go group.”

5. What if Nintendo is making us go outside with Pokémon go because we used to ignore the Wii telling us take a break.

6. Since Pokémon GO has a lot of Poké stops at schools and parks, it must be difficult for convicted child predators to do well in the game.

7. Now that Pokémon Go is out, somewhere out there someone has actually become the very best, like no-one ever was.

8. What if over time the developers of Pokémon GO slowly reduce Pokémon spawn rates to zero, and the app turns out to be a publicity stunt to warn about the dangers of over hunting and extinction.

9. The real winners of Pokémon GO are all the service providers that will rake it in when everyone goes over their data allowance.

10. Pokémon GO is just geocaching reinvented.

And if you’re thinking about Halloween already …

11. I wonder if it would be effective to go trick or treating on November 1st dressed as the Pokemon SlowPoke.